Cheating is quite challenging. Not everyone who cheats on their partner does so for the same reason, and occasionally there really doesn’t seem to be any explanation at all; it’s just a chance, and someone takes it.
According to a 2017 infidelity poll by Trustify, 22% of men and 14% of women have cheated. However, since some people won’t admit it, the actual percentage may be even higher. However, if you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that 20 to 60 percent of couples cheat at least once in their lifetime, according to various experts and research. However, you must then determine what constitutes cheating and what does not. Can a relationship be ended by an emotional affair with no physical contact?
I was cheated on, so I am all too familiar with the suffering, humiliation, and, in my case at least, the sense of worthlessness that came along with it. When I initially found him, he pretended that the woman, who was 28 years his junior, was a friend. I then received the comments “you’re out of your mind” and “well, maybe you’re cheating on me.”
Although there are many “excuses” for cheating, there are seven in particular things that experts believe cheaters frequently do when they are discovered.
1.I Didn’t Do It, in 1. It Was not I.
The simplest defence? Denial of it. “Most cheaters immediately deny wrongdoing,” Relationship Advice Forum’s April Masini, a relationship and etiquette specialist based in New York, tells Bustle. It’s the quickest and simplest justification they can come up with. And that denial might provide some relief, if only momentarily, for victims who are not prepared for the truth. Denial is a fantastic technique for cheaters who don’t want conflict since if it does relieve them, they’ll back off.
Two 2. “You’re out of your mind!”
I snapped when my husband said I was crazy to assume he was having an affair. I’m so sick of males gaslighting women, and not only because I knew I wasn’t. Calling your mental stability into doubt is exactly what someone is doing when they engage in gaslighting, which is not only wrong but also a form of abuse.
For example, according to Masini, “cheaters who try to make accusers think they’re [out of their minds]… will not only deny any wrongdoing, but they’ll try to spin the truth to make it seem like the accuser is out of his or her mind and is really losing it.” Masini claims that the main goal of gaslighting is to have you believe that your instincts are flawed.
3.We are simply good friends.
This was another “reason” my husband provided for hanging out with this 20-year-old while I was away when he cheated on me: “We’re just good friends.” But how could he possible relate to her, someone who is 28 years younger than him and only two years older than his daughter, if I, who was 13 years younger than my husband, occasionally found it difficult to relate? At least, that is what I repeatedly questioned myself over those few months in 2015, or rather, screamed into the void. They were more than just pals.
According to Masini, “cheaters who have long relationships with their betraying partners, for example because those partners are work colleagues, spouses of friends, or neighbours, may try to slough off the cheating as a “just friends” situation.” They can try to convince you that late-night phone calls were harmless and that dinner or hotel receipts were just platonic exchanges that the accuser is misinterpreting.
4. “It Just Happened Once.”
Does “just being sex” and “just happening once” make it OK even if love and sex may exist without the other? Your relationship, tolerance level, and capacity for forgiveness all play a role.
The phrase “cheaters who are caught red-handed and can’t use the denial, gaslighting, or downplaying a relationship to just good friends, may admit to indiscretion, but lie about the frequency and timeline of the illicit relationship,” according to Masini, is true. This is a very typical defence used by cheaters who are forced to acknowledge their transgression but don’t want to acknowledge all of their wrongdoing.
Five 5. “It’s Over.”
According to Masini, “chronic cheaters” might truly stop their behaviour rather than merely telling their partners that they are doing so. “They might consciously lie about quitting the relationship, or they might have good intentions but give in to want instead. In either case, the justification “It’s over” falls flat. It becomes more difficult for victims to accept this justification after hearing it several times.
The phrase “chronic cheaters” should undoubtedly raise a cautionary tale. An investigation from 2017 found that those who have cheated in the past are much more likely to do so again. According to the study, first-time cheaters were three times more likely to commit infidelity in subsequent relationships. It might be time for counselling if you hear your spouse say “it’s over” but don’t believe them because you still want to save the relationship.
Sixth 6: “It Didn’t Mean Anything.”
Here is another illustration of sex being what it is: sex. However, even while that may be accurate in terms of the physical, it doesn’t change the fact that dishonesty and betrayal are factors in the situation.
The justification, “It didn’t mean anything,” is used by cheaters who adhere to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” ethos more frequently than other cheaters, according to Masini. They believe that commitment is more essential than sex, therefore having sex alone doesn’t seem like a huge problem.
7.”I Want Help!
Last but not least, as we have frequently observed in celebrity relationships when one partner has cheated, is the cheater who plays the victim to win sympathy while making a commitment to enrol in sex addiction therapy. However, just when someone cheats doesn’t mean they are automatically a sex addict. If anything, it is extremely demeaning to individuals who truly battle sex addiction to say that such an addiction exists because one lacks self-control.
“Cheaters who, when caught, say, ‘I need help!’ try to turn the empathy onto themselves, so that they don’t have to take responsibility for their behaviour,” claims Masini. “They may want sex addiction treatment and attempt to justify their behaviour by claiming that they are forced to cheat. They frequently compare their cheating to that of cigarette smokers or alcoholics who are unable to quit using their substances.
However, despite the fact that these are the most typical responses from cheaters when they are discovered, it is crucial to remember that “cheating is fluid,” in Masini’s words. Some people believe that a cheating partner is playing the field during the first six or even 12 months of dating because they haven’t really felt a commitment, therefore they are looking around to see what else is available. That can be regarded as cheating by some. The other might actually be dating. The same is true for long-term, long-distance relationships, especially those that don’t involve a formal commitment. Setting boundaries and communicating with your partner are therefore crucial.
Although there is no foolproof way to stop something as complex as infidelity — since it happens for so many different reasons — it is unquestionably not your fault if your partner cheats on you. The best thing you can do is talk to your partner about your relationship status, your expectations, and what you consider to be cheating.
