settling in. breaking off. residing together. Either way, it’s a significant step. Your relationship transforms when you move in together. While most of those changes are positive, some aren’t so fantastic. But you have to take the good with the bad with everything. When they stated that relationships required a lot of work, they weren’t kidding. The only difference is that housework is now included.
My wife and I used to spend every moment of our dating relationship—including most nights—together. We assumed that moving in would be equivalent. Or, anyway, not that significant of a shift. Besides, we were always together? False. I’m not the only one that comes to mind. As a former Planned Parenthood Responsible Sexuality Educator and Domestic Violence Victim Advocate, I dealt with many couples who were co-occupants in a state of absolute ecstasy and others who had signed away their happiness when they signed their leases. Neither of them truly anticipated how living together would alter their relationship, even in the most fundamental ways.
These are my personal experiences as well as those of my past clients. The point is, if you’re hooking up, you better be prepared for significant changes, regardless of whether they can connect to you or not.
You’re Being Observed
You have a lot more freedom to come and go as you like when you don’t live together. Unless they are with you or you check in, your partner is unaware of every action you make. When you move in together, that is different. It’s not that you can’t still go out with the gang whenever you want; rather, your spouse will notice if you come and depart because your presence is now a part of the house. As a group, you have a greater responsibility to one another about your time. Saying “I’m going out” or even needing to pause might be a major stylistic constraint for certain individuals.
2. You Attend More Events
In the event that you upgraded when you moved in together, you now have two incomes and pay half the rent. That means more get-togethers and gift-giving. It may also imply something nicer. Not another piece of old college furniture with dubious stains and an even dubious past. And while we’re talking about saving money, you may discover that you’re becoming even more entangled in your financial situation. I’m referring to things like shared credit cards or bank accounts. It’s fairly next-level grownup relationship stuff that you are both paying the bills even if you don’t combine your finances.
3. You Must Combine
This one is difficult. You’ll need to figure out how to combine your identities if you and your spouse have spent years creating a home that flawlessly reflects your individuality and aesthetic. Certain couples simply choose the greatest items from each other’s collections without any thought, but other couples work very hard to create a house that makes them feel at ease. This could lead to a great deal of arguments and grudges over items that appear insignificant, like throw pillows and chairs. It takes labor to make a house a home. A shared home requires twice as much labor. And let’s not even discuss clearing out closets to make room.
4. You Spend All of Your Time Together
This one is difficult. You’ll need to figure out how to combine your identities if you and your spouse have spent years creating a home that flawlessly reflects your individuality and aesthetic. Certain couples simply choose the greatest items from each other’s collections without any thought, but other couples work very hard to create a house that makes them feel at ease. This could lead to a great deal of arguments and grudges over items that appear insignificant, like throw pillows and chairs. It takes labor to make a house a home. A shared home requires twice as much labor. And let’s not even discuss clearing out closets to make room.
4. You Spend All of Your Time Together
Dating has the advantage that you may just go home if you start to become tired of your companion. After taking a day or two off, you resume your regular activities. Going home is always done together when you live with someone. You must come up with inventive ways to settle disputes and give each other space if your home or apartment isn’t large enough for you to have your own area. It is much easy to become irritated by someone’s chewing or messiness when they are around all the time.
5. Spending Time Alone Has Different Meanings
Being an introvert who enjoys alone, the idea of not having any alone was the toughest thing for me to accept. Despite our unbreakable relationship, we weren’t together all the time. It was that we spent the majority of our time together. Every week, I still set aside a day or two to spend by myself in my room reading books and catching up on lost face time. When we get alone time in our small one-bedroom apartment, it usually means that I’m in the bedroom and she’s in the living room. While it’s not quite isolation, it’s sufficient for the most part. Living with someone could first seem like a marathon if you’re a severe introvert.
6. You Are A Factor
Being an introvert who enjoys alone, the idea of not having any alone was the toughest thing for me to accept. Despite our unbreakable relationship, we weren’t together all the time. It was that we spent the majority of our time together. Every week, I still set aside a day or two to spend by myself in my room reading books and catching up on lost face time. When we get alone time in our small one-bedroom apartment, it usually means that I’m in the bedroom and she’s in the living room. While it’s not quite isolation, it’s sufficient for the most part. Living with someone could first seem like a marathon if you’re a severe introvert.
6. You Are A Factor
Being a family is like creating a house together. You are now going to be referred to as a single two-person unit, if you weren’t already. Your buddies are also your partner’s guests when they come over. Upon acquiring a puppy or a new sofa, these items become shared property and require communication. There will be two invites sent out. This will be comfortable, homey joy for the most part, but occasionally you’ll wonder where you’ve been all your life.
7. You Find Things Stupid Annoying
You requested cereal, but your partner prepared you eggs. You’ve had enough of documentaries about murder. Take out the garbage; it’s not your turn. The little things that you have never had to deal with before will come up when you share the same environment. And they’ll appear frequently. Learning to make concessions and stop worrying about little things is the key. You will be faced with so many major issues in life that dealing with the smaller ones will seem pointless. In most cases, yes.
These adjustments can seem insignificant or common sense, but they give your love game a new challenge that you might not have encountered previously. Thankfully, the benefits greatly exceed the drawbacks.
