There are some considerations to make before getting married, regardless of how long you have been daydreaming about the big event or how recently you have begun to explore the notion. Considering all the choices we make in life, committing to spend it with someone else is about as significant as it gets.
Knowing what being married means to you is the first step in thinking about the entire process because, of course, everyone’s definition of marriage is unique. Congratulations if you’re single or dating right now! You have plenty of time to take a moment to reflect.
However, as the big day approaches, it will be crucial to bring your partner into the conversation as well. In an email to Bustle, licenced clinical psychologist Kim Chronister, PsyD, advises, “Ask your partner what their needs and expectations will be after you are married [and] verbalise your needs and expectations for after you are married.”
You two should feel free to discuss anything and everything. Once you are, it is clear that continuing forward is a wise decision. Here are some pointers to keep in mind up until that point if you envision yourself getting married in the future.
1. Don’t Give Up
It could seem like the appropriate thing to do, particularly if you’re giving in to pressure from society to get married by a certain age. Don’t compromise, however, in any way. Being alone or lonely is far preferable to being with someone who isn’t a good fit, causes issues, or doesn’t share your values. Don’t marry someone who, in a significant sense, makes you unhappy right now if you’re hoping or trusting that will change, advised Marcus Geduld on HuffingtonPost.com. Assume that the issue will continue to exist. Move on if it becomes too much to handle.
2. Ensure that you feel finished on your own.
In keeping with the previous piece of advice, before you set out in search of company, be sure you are comfortable being by yourself. Chronister says of a person who is prepared for marriage, “They feel secure with themselves, have a full life, and feel centred even when their partner is away.” Consider getting married just when you’ve gotten that down.
3. Consider attempting cohabitation
Try to live together before saying “I do” if you can. It’s a great opportunity to see each other in your most obscene (read: authentic) forms and assess your compatibility. Additionally, it’s a great method to test your relationship, particularly if it doesn’t work out. According to Geduld, “Some people work as housemates; others don’t — even if they love each other.” The decision to proceed is yours, but shared living space problems are unquestionably something you should address as soon as possible.
4. Think about your partner’s family
Not only do you acquire a new husband or wife when you get married, but also your entire extended family. Of course, they also bring everything else with them. Melanie Pinola wrote on Lifehacker.com, “You’re inheriting the responsibilities, stresses, and, yes, benefits, of a whole new family.” You’re going to see these new folks a lot, so make sure you’re okay with integrating them into your life.
5. Consider their personality in the future
As people age, they become more habitual (take a moment to recall your parents). Therefore, imagine what your companion might look like in 10, twenty, or thirty years. If your partner is already a bit of a curmudgeon, Pinola predicted that over time, they would only get angrier and more intransigent. On the other hand, a person’s best qualities may help you stay strong during unavoidable difficult moments.
6. Determine how you and your partner handle stress.
You will experience a lot of stress as a pair, including funerals, babies, job changes, and moves. Because of this, it’s crucial to observe how your partner manages stress as well as how the two of you deal it jointly. Do they turn to exercise as a way to decompress? Prayer? something really different? Before entering into a marriage, it is crucial to understand how a partner responds to stress, according to Chronister. If one spouse doesn’t use healthy coping techniques, stress from work or loss can ruin a relationship.
7. Be Willing To Adjust
You shouldn’t allow someone change your own principles or opinions, and you shouldn’t marry someone expecting them to change. However, being a long-term marriage requires some flexibility. The two most important things, according to Pinola, are knowing how to argue more effectively and communicating in ways that may not come naturally to you but make greater sense to the other person. To put it another way, be prepared to adjust for the benefit of your relationship.
8. Prepare To Be Gross
becoming married involves becoming the fullest version of yourself, as I mentioned before. And that includes interacting with one another when you feel and look less than your best. “You might ask or be asked to evaluate a nose hair or pull off a blackened fingernail — things you would never do or ask while dating — because now that you two are one and almost nothing is embarrassing anymore,” Pinola added. Although undeniably cute, the degree of closeness may be difficult to adjust to.
9. Determine whether you enjoy sharing everything.
There are certainly married couples that have agreements in place regarding time spent apart or separate living quarters. However, because marriage is a partnership, getting married typically involves sharing everything. Chronister claims that happy couples “feel supported as a result of feeling comfortable disclosing a great deal of personal information to their partner.” Make certain that everyone you choose is game for everything mentioned above.
10.Decide right away if you want children.
Again, because every relationship is unique, it’s not necessarily necessary to have everything worked out before getting married. However, major decisions, like having children or not, should probably be discussed. Not everyone wants to have children, so if you find someone who is adamantly opposed to having children, you may have a problem on your hands. Determine this for yourself in advance, and find out if your spouse has done the same.
11. Consider distributing money.
Many dull things, including money, will undoubtedly come up if you want to progress in a relationship. You should be prepared to voice your ideas when they do. According to Eleanor Stanford in The New York Times, “couples should make sure they are on the same page in terms of financial caution or recklessness.” Although talking about it might not be enjoyable, it is absolutely required.
You now have some considerations to make before getting married. How does everything seem? Good? Bad? Being sincere with yourself can possibly assist you in deciding what action you want to take next.