Divorce can be a profoundly disastrous, life-altering choice. But for a couple who can no longer maintain their link, it might also be the healthiest option. Despite the fact that every divorce experience is different, experts claim that there are a few typical reasons for divorce that keep coming up over time.
You might be surprised to learn how similar and immaterial the issues that lead to divorce are. Before deciding to end their relationship, each couple goes through a unique sequence of events, but the underlying themes all touch on aspects of the human psyche. According to professional counsellor and relationship specialist David Bennett, “there are common threads mainly because human relationships, and what impacts them, are pretty consistent — despite individual differences.” While this may be difficult to comprehend, it is also advantageous because some of these problems can be avoided by starting a relationship early.
But marriage is a two-way street. Chasity Chandler, a professional sex therapist, licenced mental health counsellor, and couples counsellor, tells Bustle that “you have the power to create and cultivate the relationship that you desire.” “If you can make it work, put in the effort to do so. Learn how to handle the divorce in a way that results in a healthier outcome for everyone involved when things are severely unhealthy and irreparably shattered. Divorce is not a failure on your side if you and your partner can’t go past certain basic problems.
According to specialists, these are the top three causes of divorce in relationships.
Failure To Heal After Conflict
In divorce studies, “repair” is a buzzword, but it’s a crucial one. After a conflict, a couple that is able to “repair” actively attempts to make things better. According to renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, this is essential for a happy marriage.
On the other hand, a prevalent theme in divorce is the difficulty to reconcile following conflicts. According to Whitney Hawkins, LMFT, a licenced psychotherapist and proprietor of The Collaborative Counselling Centre, “couples may all be arguing about various issues, but their inability to mend after those arguments leaves them feeling distant and unheard.” A couple may not be able to endure over time if they are unable to resolve this problem.
Growing apart is a fairly ambiguous idea, yet it can frequently be reduced to two partners who can’t or don’t want to invest in one another as time passes.
“Growing apart” was the most frequently mentioned reason for divorce among couples, according to a significant survey. According to Bennett, if a couple doesn’t work to strengthen their bond, it will stagnate and the partners would drift apart. This demonstrates that failing relationships are often the cause of divorce rather than a specific “last straw” incident or inappropriate behaviour. Even though it may be impossible to anticipate things fizzling, it is nevertheless important to be aware of this problem because it affects many couples.
Flooding of Feelings
Another relationship issue that Dr. John Gottman identified in his research as a very serious problem that frequently results in divorce is emotional inundation.
When partners are having a fight or discussing a topic that is extremely sensitive, Hawkins claims that emotional flooding frequently occurs. According to psychologist John Gottman, emotional hijacking is the result of our nervous system going into overdrive. Your internal threat-detection system is activated during your interaction with your spouse for some reason. When every quarrel results in this kind of emotional reaction, this extremely physical reaction can be halted in its tracks, but it can also become a persistent problem in a partnership. Many marriages that end in divorce may not have been able to overcome the emotional upheaval that occurs during dispute.
Although no two divorced couples have the same experience, there are some factors that relationship experts have found to be more likely than others to cause a relationship to fail. Many divorces have communication problems, including emotional inundation and the difficulty to reconcile after conflicts, as well as more intangible problems like people simply drifting apart.